The perfect relationship

The perfect relationship

by don Miguel Ruiz with Janet Mills

Imagine a perfect relationship. You are always intensely happy with your partner because you live with the perfect woman or man for you. How would you describe your life with this person?

Well, the way you relate with this person will be exactly the way you relate with a dog. A dog is a dog. It doesn’t matter what you do, it’s going to be a dog. You are not going to change a dog for a cat or a dog for a horse; it is what it is. Just accepting this fact in your relations with other humans is very important.

You cannot change other people. You love them the way they are or you don’t. You accept them the way they are or you don’t. To try to change them to fit what you want them to be is like trying to change a dog for a cat, or a cat for a horse.

That is a fact. They are what they are; you are what you are. To understand this point is very important. When you truly understand, you are likely to see what is true about others, and not just what you want to see.

If you own a dog or a cat, think about how you relate to your pet. Let’s consider your relationship with a dog, for example. The animal knows how to have a perfect relationship with you. When your dog does something wrong, what do you do with your dog? A dog doesn’t care what you do; it just loves you. It doesn’t have any expectations. Isn’t that wonderful? But what about your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your husband, or your wife? They have so many expectations, and they are changing all the time.

The dog is responsible for its half of the relationship with you. One half of the relationship is completely normal — the dog’s half. When you come home, it barks at you, it wags his tail, it pants because it is so happy to see you. It does its part very well, and you know it is the perfect dog. Your part is almost perfect also. You handle your responsibility; you feed your dog; you take care of your dog; you play with your dog. You love your dog unconditionally; you will do almost anything for your dog. You do your part perfectly, and your dog does its part perfectly.

Most people can easily imagine this kind of relationship with their dog, but why not with a woman or with a man? Why can’t we allow a woman to be a woman or a man to be a man and love that human just the way he or she is without trying to change that person?

You know, it’s easy to love your dog because your dog doesn’t have opinions about you. The dog loves you unconditionally.

This is important. Then if your partner loves you just the way you are, it is just like the dog loves you. You can be yourself with your partner; you can be a man, or you can be a woman, just the way the dog can be a dog with you.

If you already have a cat and you want a dog, what can you do? You can start practicing from this point forward. You have to aim for a new beginning by cutting your ties with the past and starting all over again. You don’t have to have attachments to the past. All of us can change, and it can be for better. This is a new beginning for you to forgive whatever happened between you and your partner. Let it go because it was nothing but personal importance. It was nothing but misunderstanding. It was nothing but someone being hurt and trying to get even. It’s not worth whatever happened in the past to spoil the possibility that you can reach heaven in a relationship.

Communication through respect and love is the whole key to keeping the love alive and never getting bored in your relationship. It’s about finding your voice and stating your needs. It’s about trusting yourself and trusting your partner.

The goal is for the two of you to be happier and happier, and that calls for more and more love. You are the perfect man or woman, and your partner is the perfect human, just as the dog is the perfect dog. If you treat your partner with love and respect, who is going to get the benefit? You. If you can love your partner the way he or she is, if you can open your heart completely to your partner, you can reach heaven through your love.


Excerpt from The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship. Copyright © 1999 by Miguel Angel Ruiz, M.D. and Janet Mills. Reprinted by Permission of Amber-Allen Publishing, Inc., San Rafael, California.


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